have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
