umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
