I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think i got beer on your cat.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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