allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
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I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
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I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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