your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
