Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Damn victory sex feels great
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
