He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
