I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
