Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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