Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
