He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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