THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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