I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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