Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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