i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
