Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
