All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
