I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
