I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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