Small penises have feelings too.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
