I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
