Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
