turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
