I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
