im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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