I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize