Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just googled if crying burns calories
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
His nipple licking is glorious
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