Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
