my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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