Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
