he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
