can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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