I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
