Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize