Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
