I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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