dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
