Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
