If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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