Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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