I have demons in me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
