My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
