ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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