I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
