Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
