Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
