I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
