i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
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It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize