im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
