I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
