he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The air was thick with penises
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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