Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
time to smoke my breakfast
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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