I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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