So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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