woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Terrible idea I love it
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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