he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
