I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
