I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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