I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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