Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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