new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
