First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
