Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
