Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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