Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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