I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
