I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize