one word: firstdatebathroomanal
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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